List the last 10 things you saw at the theatre in order:
1. Instructions for Correct Assembly (Royal Court)
4. The Flying Lovers of Vitebsk (Oxford Playhouse)
8. Coraline (Barbican)
9. Vincent River (Park Theatre)
10. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (Wycombe Swan)
Who was the best performer in number one (Instructions for Correct Assembly)?10. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (Wycombe Swan)
Brian Vernel. Very good projection, and has clearly figured out how a human being can teleport.
Why did you go to see number two (Absolute Hell)?
I heard an early casting rumour that sold me on it. Unfortunately the rumour didn't pan out, but it's hard to be disappointed when Charles Edwards is what ultimately happened.
Can you remember a line/lyric from number three (Quiz) that you liked?
The most memorable thing about Quiz was how my simple three-letter name got expanded out first to six letters, then to seven, then was condensed back down to four by the various members of the stage crew. Followed by my winning a free ice cream for getting nearest to the actual price of the vacuum cleaner. None of the dialogue holds a candle to the joy of free ice cream, I'm afraid.
What would you give number four (The Flying Lovers of Vitebsk) out of ten?
8.5 I think. I haven't fallen in love for a really long time, but this was how I imagine falling in love must feel like. Indeed, if falling in love in no way resembles a Kneehigh production, then I will happily maintain my single theatre-goer status until and unless I meet someone who does make me feel like a Kneehigh production.
Was there someone hot in number five (Moonfleece)?
I went to the Lidless Theatre website to double-check everyone's headshots and bios to see if I was willing to award this to anyone or if they were all just too young for me to be comfortable with it, and it turns out the director is at least five times as beautiful as any of the cast, if not all the cast put together, and I entirely don't care how old he may or may not be. I hope whichever photographer took his headshot got a serious performance-based bonus for their work.
What was number six (Beginners) about?
That beautiful place where you're young enough to think you know everything performed by actors who are old enough to realise they know nothing. Sort of.
Who was your favourite actor in number seven (Oedipus)?
Come for the Hans Kesting, stay for the... well, Hans Kesting. And Marieke Heebink. When doing a tragedy, it's important that the audience cares about the people involved, and I'd like to meet the emotionless monolith who could watch this production without feeling completely invested in and heartbroken by their relationship.
What was your favourite bit in number eight (Coraline)?
I wouldn't say I had a favourite bit. The disembodied hand was delightfully well done, I guess.
Would you see number nine (Vincent River) again?
A Philip Ridley play? A repeat visit? No, that doesn't sound like me at all.
What was the worst thing about number ten (Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde)?
It wasn't that great in toto, but if you want just one thing, I'll pin it down to the decision to have the Jekyll family speak in Scottish accents. This was a perfectly fine and excellent decision, until it resulted in Mr Hyde having the most unintelligible Glaswegian accent I've ever heard. I'm only relieved that the fates conspired to see me at a captioned performance.
Which was best?
The Flying Lovers of Vitebsk and Oedipus. I would probably splash out for a good ticket for a return trip should Oedipus make its way to the Barbican (or wherever).
Which was worst?
Wow, no, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was just terrible.
Did any make you cry?
Um, The Flying Lovers of Vitebsk and Oedipus.
Did any make you laugh?
Maybe just Instructions for Correct Assembly?
Which roles would you like to play in any of them?
I don't want to play any of the roles in any of these plays so much as I want to be in a play where I have a child counterpart who wears the same costume as I do but in miniature. Possibly I need to go the Unicorn a little less...
Which one did you have best seats for?
Probably Absolute Hell, I reckon.
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