List the last 10 things you saw at the theatre in order:
1. Wilde Creatures (Vaudeville)
5. Big Fish (The Other Palace)
8. A Woman of No Importance (Vaudeville)
9. Heisenberg: The Uncertainty Principle (Wyndham's)Who was the best performer in number one (Wilde Creatures)?
10. The Velveteen Rabbit (Unicorn Theatre)
Four equally talented ensemble members make this an impossible question to answer.
Why did you go to see number two (The Gruffalo's Child)?
I already had three shows booked for the day, and the joy of the Christmas period is all the children's theatre that comes crawling out of the woodwork to fill the previously-unprofitable morning slot in various Nimax theatres.
Can you remember a line/lyric from number three (The Twilight Zone) that you liked?
Oh. No. But I already booked my return trip in January so I'll see if anything sticks out then.
What would you give number four (Romantics Anonymous) out of ten?
THE BIG TEN. I was expecting to like it, but blown away by how much I actually did.
Was there someone hot in number five (Big Fish)?
Ordinarily I'd name the most attractive cast member(s), but in this case I'd be here all day if I were to try. So I will answer the question economically and just say "yes". (Though while I'm here, let's have a shout-out to Tom Rogers's set and particularly his pitch-perfect costume design!)
What was number six (Snow White and Rose Red) about?
Woman+bear romance and sisters doing it for themselves.
Who was your favourite actor in number seven (How to Win Against History)?
Probably Dylan Townley actually.
What was your favourite bit in number eight (A Woman of No Importance)?
I was REALLY into the bit where Mrs Arbuthnot slapped Lord Illingworth round the face with his own glove. I'm always a little more suspicious of older plays than they deserve, so it's always a genuine relief when an odious man is sent packing rather than rewarded with a bride or whathaveyou.
Would you see number nine (Heisenberg: The Uncertainty Principle) again?
What was the worst thing about number ten (The Velveteen Rabbit)?
Okay, I work really hard to be zen about children in audiences, especially at a children-specific theatre such as the Unicorn. But you know the middle-aged man who has spent £90 on his West End theatre ticket so he's GOING to have a GOOD TIME and he's GOING to LAUGH at ALL THE JOKES no matter how inappropriate or disruptive this may prove? I believe I have now met the 6 year old girl version of this man. Like, laugh if it's funny, but kids, believe it or not, we can tell whether your laughter is sincere or not.
Which was best?
Romantic Anonymous, hands down.
Did any make you cry?
I basically sobbed from start to finish at Romantic Anonymous. Big Fish and The Velveteen Rabbit were a bit traumatic too.
Did any make you laugh?
The Twilight Zone, Romantics Anonymous, and How to Win Against History.
Which roles would you like to play in any of them?
None in particular.
Which one did you have best seats for?
I was sensible enough to book the second row for Big Fish, so that proved to be my best purchase of the period.