List the last 10 things you saw at the theatre in order:
1. Red (Wyndham's)
6. Straight White Men (Hayes Theater)
7. SpongeBob SquarePants (Palace Theater)
10. Fun Home (Young Vic)
A two-man play, both of whom were excellent, requires a two-man answer - Alfred Enoch and Alfred Molina were both the best performers.
Why did you go to see number two (Jerusalem)?
I never thought I stanned that hard for Jerusalem, but apparently I was intrigued to see it for a sixth time with my third/fourth different cast, so I booked it.
Can you remember a line/lyric from number three (A Monster Calls) that you liked?
I do wish I could have remembered any of the lines, but every time someone referred to our teenage protagonist by his full name, Conor O'Malley, which was every single time the titular monster spoke to him, my brain started singing "HE'S CONOR O'MALLEY, O'MALLEY THE ALLEY CAT". So that was awkward.
What would you give number four (Brief Encounter) out of ten?
7? I didn't see it last time round, but I've seen a bunch of other Kneehigh shows in the meantime, so while I can see how this would have been fresh and beautiful and innovative ten years ago, I've seen better since. Also for all the overall charm of the piece, I just found the central couple really unengaging and unlikeable, which I assume is Noël Coward's fault as much as anyone's.
Was there someone hot in number five (SpongeBob SquarePants)?
I love each and every cast member passionately and dearly, but not like that.
What was number six (Straight White Men) about?
It's one of those Ronseal plays - does exactly what it says on the tin.
Who was your favourite actor in number seven (SpongeBob SquarePants)?
Again, I love each and every cast member passionately and dearly, but I very much got the feeling here that maybe Gavin Lee was actually born with four legs and has been using a glamour spell for the last forty-odd years to pretend he's bipedal and finally he's found the one role for which his natural form is perfectly suited and he's cast off the enchantment so at last he can share with the world his tremendous gift of four-legged tap dancing.
What was your favourite bit in number eight (Machinal)?
I did like Machinal but I did not like one bit more than the rest of it.
Would you see number nine (The Lieutenant of Inishmore) again?
Not this production, no.
What was the worst thing about number ten (Fun Home)?
I should have taken tissues.
Which was best?
SpongeBob SquarePants and Fun Home. Apparently I enjoy a contemporary American musical, whether it be big or small.
Did any make you cry?
SpongeBob SquarePants and Fun Home did, weirdly A Monster Calls did not.
Did any make you laugh?
Jerusalem, Brief Encounter, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Fun Home.
Which roles would you like to play in any of them?
I JUST WANT TO BE IN SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, THEN EVERY DAY WOULD BE THE BEST DAY EVER. If it came down to specific roles (or specific costumes I wanted to wear) then it would probably have to be either Karen or a sardine. (OR BOTH, I believe "both" is possible.)
Which one did you have best seats for?
Definitely Brief Encounter, though I was also very amused by my peanut gallery seat for Red.